It has been a great week or two. No fights, no worries (El7amdolelah), no trouble.
I've never been loved or cared for like that in my life.
I see the love in his eyes, the touch of his hands, his voice whispering in my ears.
And I never loved anyone like I love him.

I woke up on my birthday to find him lying by my side in bed, wishing me happy birthday. And woke up the next morning finding him leaving me a message and a note that he loves me. And went back home from work finding a helium balloon in our room, standing there saying "Happy Birthday".

When he came home, I kept kissing him forever. I was over the moon. It meant a lot to me having such a perfect person in love with me and celebrating with me my first birthday being a wife.

All the tiredness fades away once I see him happy and smiling.

It filled me with inner happiness and satisfaction seeing him happy and pleased.

Making him happy is an aim in itself. Seeing a smile on his face that shows a combination of love, satisfaction and happiness is worth all the effort and pain. I was happy to hear him say those love/sex words he said in my ears. I was over the moon spending the rest of the day in his arms on the sofa, watching a movie. It was all I wanted to do for the rest of the day.

And when he aches even from the smallest thing, I feel sad and in pain. Its like he is part of me. He is actually my other half. And the more time passes, the more I appreciate how amazing life is with him. He makes my like meaningful and worth living. He makes me happy.

I hate the big belly, the swelling nose and the huge breasts.
I hate all the outfits that I wear.
I hate that I easily get tired.
I hate looking in the mirror. I hate it all.

I hate that every inch in this place is created of hate and dispute, not love.
I hate that I had to spend hours in a place where I'm hated and not wanted.
I hate that I'm living in comparison, that I'm being monitored, that I'm being disliked for no good enough reason.

I hate that I'm supposed to be rational, when I'm not in a physical or hormonal condition that would allow for that. I hate that I'm weak, tearful and patient. I hate that I'm unforgiving. I hate that I'm approaching a responsibility that I know I'm not up to.

I hate it.