Alone...
Alone again... Alone it is...
Messed up. Loaded. Depressed. No! Just alone.

Alone one more time. Alone in a freaky way.

What happened? And how did it all happen? Whats the point? Why all that mess??
Who cares??

Do I need to see someone for this?
Will it last longer? Does it end at some point?
Should I keep trying or just surrender.
Does it fade over time?

Happy? Sad? Good? Bad?
None of that.. Just Alone...

Can I keep him for a while longer?
He has my eyes and my complexion...
He has the best smile and the craziest baby laugh...
Can he sleep in my arms tonight? Can I watch him sleep all night?

Does he love me?
Am I a good mother??
will I ever stop feeling guilty?

He's breathing so calmly in my arms. He is safe. He can sleep now.
He is sound asleep. He is home. He is in my arms.
I never want to let go...

Every morning is a nightmare. I hate leaving him behind. I hate that he spends most of his awake time with some other woman. I want to change his diaper, I want to feed him and hear his cooing and booing... I hate being away... I hate it all...

He is sound asleep in my arms. He my baby. He has my eyes and my forehead... He is my life..