After a useless day at work, and after cooking and cleaning and organizing things back home, all I wanted was the BED!

Too tired to even sleep. But how can I resist his charm.
He left after a lil while and I found myself alone worried that he won't be coming back home tonight. I kept convincing myself that I will be home alone tonight and I'd better fall asleep reading than keep awake and scared of being alone.

I busied myself with absolutely everything that would make me fall asleep and it worked. Till I woke up at his face smiling back at me. And that was it :) The greatest moment of happiness realizing that tonight I am sleeping by his side; like every single night. He kept smiling and asking me to go back to sleep, but I simply couldn't resist his amazing smile. "Isn't he just the cutest and sexiest thing ever?!". I kept looking into his eyes and thanking God for granting me such an awesome partner. And I wanted so much to tell him all the cheesy romantic statements that we read in books. But I knew I would spoil the moment.

I wanted to tell him that I love him, that I'm glad he's the one I married. I can't wait to grow old with him. I can't wait to see my son and hoping he would be as adorable as his father :)
I wanted to tell him that I'm so glad he's home, in bed, by my side, smiling back at me. I wanted him to tell me that he loves me, even when I'm pregnant. But his smile said it all. And I just kept quite. I wanted so much to make love to him all night long, but couldn't. I just enjoyed his smile till I fell asleep.

Woke up a million times at night; as usual, and he just wakes up with me every time. He checks on me and makes sure I go back to sleep. Then, the time came for me to go to work and leave my angel in bed. He was so adorable sleeping there and I simply did not want to leave. I won't be seeing him all day today. Work, then mom, then visiting cousin who just had a baby, then hopefully back home. I'm already missing his smile. And I don't want to go anywhere; I just want to be with him.

Alienated

Deprived

No... Thats not the right term..

Hated! Undesired?

Not wanted. Thrown out.

Maybe just disliked and unwanted.

And I easily grasped the negative emotions and was filled with more feelings of hatred and rejection.

And whatever I do, it never works and I end up feeling the same way.

Actually, I'm so glad I can at least take revenge through my feelings.

They promised me that time will heal things. But all I see is that time increases the non-healing of things. With all this hardheartedness and unwelcoming attitude, plus the unjustified control over ones life, there will be no other feelings but hate.

I am unwanted. It is a fact I have to live with. And I am happily reciprocating the same feeling.

And here I am, sitting miserably wondering when will this shit ever end.