I could not help it.
I just left. Couldn't hear the complaints that are never ending.
Couldn't take the bad attitude, the lack of trust, the fights, the worries and confusion.
I cried my eyes out as I always do. And felt like everything is suddenly falling apart for no good reason.

His not calling me was like a nightmare. I feel so alone, so left out, so incomplete, and so insecure.
She fighting over everything and interfering all the time scares me and fills me with anger and resentment. I feel injustice all the time, unappreciated, and in a continuous state of fear.
And although its the time to be peaceful and happy, I am always crying, sad, angry and worried. I wonder how will it be like later, when the new life begins. Will the interference increase? Will I be deprived of the right to privacy, freedom of choice and actions? How will it work out? Will I be deprived of him most of the time like I am now? How will I avoid conversations? How will I avoid the new relationship all together? Who should I be??!

I fear what's about to come

"La La" land rules

Since I realised that the more time runs and the due date approaches, the more I get worried, scared, tense, and touchy. So here's the deal. I set some rules for myself to follow for the coming three weeks to avoid anger, disappointment, tension, worry and fights.

Rule #1: Think of things I'm excited about, e.g. the dress, the honeymoon, the new home, the new clothes, the fact that I'm going to be a bride.

Rule #2: Do not listen to any comments, feelings or worries from both parents or in-laws, especially in-laws. I want to feel all forms of neutrality towards them; neither negative nor positive feelings.

Rule #3: Give myself the space to cry, as much as I want to, before the wedding night.

Rule #4: RELAX because everything will be just fine.

Finally, I'm getting married, so I should be happy, excited and in love. Hence, I shouldn't be worrying about anything in the world.