I kept thinking of how to please them.
I felt trapped trying to avoid upsetting them.
It was a struggle between two men that I'm in love with.
The person that brought me up into the person I am, and the person I am about to live with for the coming life. And I was unable to figure out which one to please.

And all of a sudden I decided to be selfish enough to just do what "I" want to do. Why do I have to resort in the end to pleasing someone over myself. Why do I always favor the happiness of others over mine? I admit I love making them both happy and I hope I'm good at it. But I can sometimes work on making myself happy for a change.

They both have been the best at making me happy. but still, I felt like in this particular situation, I wanna do what I want to do, rather than anything else.

I am sorry