My grandma always tells me that if I'm really scared of something, it will come to me.

It's orginally an Egyptian saying. Like if you're always scared of getting sick, you will always be sick. I believe in that saying, although its not always true. But I act accordingly. I try so hard not to think of what is scaring me and be optimistic so as not to get to experience the things I'm scared of.

But this, I think of all the time.

I've tasted its pain before. And honestly, I am not ready for more of it.

I thought I promised myself that the issue is over. But I don't think it is.

Another Egyptian expression we always say when we're thinking of bad things is "I have cockroaches in my head".. I believe I have all the insects in the world inside my head. I also believe that I will live in this scary situation for the rest of my life.

I wish I could break that head of mine and kill all the cockroaches.