While reading a work related report concerning “feminized poverty”, a statement mentioned that “20-30% of all Egyptian households are headed by women”. Then, it defined Female Headed Households (and giving it the acronym of FHH), as “households in which a woman is both/either the primary economic contributor and supporter of the family and/or the primary legal and social representative of the family within the community”. And finally, it mentioned that female headed households result from women being widowed, divorced, or abandoned by their husbands; deserted wives.
Five minutes before reading that paragraph, I was listening to a colleague at work, who decided to confess to me his problems with his father. He was abandoned when he was 2 years old by his father, who divorced his mother and decided not even to help financially. His mother worked as a tailor, to be able to financially support her only child. She was 19 when she got the divorce and decided not to get married and dedicate her life to raising her child. He explained that his father is his mother’s relative, and accordingly, he gets to see his father because he lives near by. His father never spent a penny on him, and now that he is a grown-up, married, has 2 daughters and a job that pays relatively well, his father started communicating with his eldest son, mostly asking him for money. And although his father has a job that pays, and income that comes from rent, he still asks my colleague for money. And although my colleague never got money or fatherhood from his father, he believes that he should take care of his father out of “religion”. He told me that God asked us to take care of our parents, even if they are atheists and even if they were never good to us. He also told me a hadith, which means that a person and his money are for his father, meaning that a person should give up himself and his money for his father. And accordingly, my colleague visits his father and supports him as long as he is capable of doing so, when he never felt that he had a father.
It didn’t surprise me to hear his story. It turns out that his story is everyone’s story. I mean men now are turning into bastards, where they let go of their duties as fathers and financial supporters. And its not all about money, its about having a father figure out there who supports emotionally, who teaches you what is wrong and what is right, who makes you feel safe in times of trouble or danger. I mean a father is an important part of a child’s life. A father is a pillar to ones being. But it turns out some tend to just deny that role, or simply let go of it for so many reasons. Some hate the mother, so he gives her up and her children are considered part of her, so he gives them up as well. But why abandon your children when they are yours? They need your presence. They need their father.
And what if, after so many years of being abandoned by your father, he decides to appear? What if he decides to be a father? What if you actually find him, how should you deal with him? Should you accept him? Should you be there for him when he wasn’t ever there for you? Should you respect him? Should you check on him and be nice to him? Religion obliges us to be nice to our parents because it is our way to heaven.
And this abandoning of the child financially and emotionally puts the mothers in a huge hassle of having to be the mother and the father, of having to work and earn income to support the needs of the children, of having to be a working mother and a working father. Being a female head of household is in itself a social hassle. I look highly upon mothers who succeed in bring up good children. They have done all they can to make them become successful, healthy adults. And I despise every man who gave himself the right to abandon his kids and deprived himself and them of a father. And I despise him even more for making his “used to be” woman go through all that suffering alone.
But again, the question is, can I be good to my father who abandoned me and was never there for me? Should I? I don’t even know whether to use the word “should” or “could” when asking that question. Could I be a good daughter to a person who has never been a good father to me?
Five minutes before reading that paragraph, I was listening to a colleague at work, who decided to confess to me his problems with his father. He was abandoned when he was 2 years old by his father, who divorced his mother and decided not even to help financially. His mother worked as a tailor, to be able to financially support her only child. She was 19 when she got the divorce and decided not to get married and dedicate her life to raising her child. He explained that his father is his mother’s relative, and accordingly, he gets to see his father because he lives near by. His father never spent a penny on him, and now that he is a grown-up, married, has 2 daughters and a job that pays relatively well, his father started communicating with his eldest son, mostly asking him for money. And although his father has a job that pays, and income that comes from rent, he still asks my colleague for money. And although my colleague never got money or fatherhood from his father, he believes that he should take care of his father out of “religion”. He told me that God asked us to take care of our parents, even if they are atheists and even if they were never good to us. He also told me a hadith, which means that a person and his money are for his father, meaning that a person should give up himself and his money for his father. And accordingly, my colleague visits his father and supports him as long as he is capable of doing so, when he never felt that he had a father.
It didn’t surprise me to hear his story. It turns out that his story is everyone’s story. I mean men now are turning into bastards, where they let go of their duties as fathers and financial supporters. And its not all about money, its about having a father figure out there who supports emotionally, who teaches you what is wrong and what is right, who makes you feel safe in times of trouble or danger. I mean a father is an important part of a child’s life. A father is a pillar to ones being. But it turns out some tend to just deny that role, or simply let go of it for so many reasons. Some hate the mother, so he gives her up and her children are considered part of her, so he gives them up as well. But why abandon your children when they are yours? They need your presence. They need their father.
And what if, after so many years of being abandoned by your father, he decides to appear? What if he decides to be a father? What if you actually find him, how should you deal with him? Should you accept him? Should you be there for him when he wasn’t ever there for you? Should you respect him? Should you check on him and be nice to him? Religion obliges us to be nice to our parents because it is our way to heaven.
And this abandoning of the child financially and emotionally puts the mothers in a huge hassle of having to be the mother and the father, of having to work and earn income to support the needs of the children, of having to be a working mother and a working father. Being a female head of household is in itself a social hassle. I look highly upon mothers who succeed in bring up good children. They have done all they can to make them become successful, healthy adults. And I despise every man who gave himself the right to abandon his kids and deprived himself and them of a father. And I despise him even more for making his “used to be” woman go through all that suffering alone.
But again, the question is, can I be good to my father who abandoned me and was never there for me? Should I? I don’t even know whether to use the word “should” or “could” when asking that question. Could I be a good daughter to a person who has never been a good father to me?
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