My father has been driving me crazy since the day he realised I'm getting married sometime soon. All I get from him is frowns, jealousy, curfew made earlier, more fights about my going out or talking over the phone, apartment issues, and damn it he hasnt been that silly in ages.
He didnt give me one nice word about my marriage. He is so negative and so pessimistic. He never said anything bad about my fiance and always says that he is good, but that doesnt mean he isnt jealous and that doesnt mean he shouldnt make me suffer. I cried a million times because of his annoying attitude and meaningless fights. He makes me feel like I'm not gonna be his daughter anymore when I get married.
Today he was so rude. Although I came home 10 minutes before my curfew, he still shouted and blamed me for going out with my fiance. He was like "you should see him only once a week at home and that is it, you are not married yet". I hear that everyday, and I simply ignore his jealousy, because otherwise, we'd be fighting everyday and I would be crying every night. I also say nice things about baby in front of my parents so that they love him and know how great he is. And it actually worked with them. But I cant prevent the jealousy.
Today, baby confessed that my mother-in-law is feeling the same. She believes I'm taking her son away from her. I know that she felt this way since the day of our engagement. I saw it in her eyes. And I know I'm not loved. And it is her right. Im coming to marry the guy of her life. The guy she gave birth to, the guy she raised, the guy who takes care of her, support her, look after her, the person filling her life. I'm basically asking her to give him to me. And since my father is jealous because his daughter is being taken from him, she is jealous as well because her son is being taken from her. And I totally respect those feelings of her, but unfortunately, I feel hated. I also feel trapped. I'm hanging there inbetween 2 jealous parents and I'm asked to tolerate both and find solutions to ease the worries of both. And they are not just any parents, they are two uneasy parents. Two hard to deal with parents.
I feel like I'm the bad girl, when deep inside I know I'm not. I totally believe that I respect her and insist on having her desires and wishes fulfilled. I always ask baby to see what she needs. I try to check on her often, I also try to make her know that I'm gonna make her son happy. I even asked baby to furnish a room for her in the apartment so that she can come sleep over whenever she feels like it. I always ask about her and I would never ever want to take her place. She is a great woman. I really respect her and look highly upon her. She raised two great kids all alone and that in itself is something heroic.
Besides my mother in law and father, there is my mother who feels like I took a share of hers in my life and gave it to baby. She always blames me for being away and going out alot, which makes me spend less time with her. She loves baby so much and is so happy for us, but is feeling lonely coz I'm rarely there. I'm always out, or in but thinking of my new life, the apartment, anything that is taking my mind off her. I do my best to be there and take care of her, but she also has to understand that Im finally starting to have a life. And not just any life, a great one isa.
I feel helpless, and trapped. I feel hated. And as I usually am when I'm faced with troubles, I need to hide from the entire planet.
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