Im feeling something weird
Is it fear?
I guess this is it.

Is this a sign from God that I might in any moment lose it all? Or is it a sign that I should fight?Or is it just some silly thing that I should bear for the rest of my life?

I mean, why on earth does it pop up so often?
Im scared. Im terrified. And I dont want to always blame it on me.
I mean, why does it always have to be me who is doing something wrong? And why do I have to accept something like that in my life.

Its all so weird and inappropriate and killing me. Everytime it appears, I get broken and scared. And I work so hard on forgetting, but it pops up again and again and again.

Am I too obssessive? Too freaked out? so selfish?
I think Im a normal human being and any woman would have felt the same way I do right now.

Hope I dont do anything stupid.