Am I blind?!

Another weird state..
I would actually call it a weird situation.
I cant define the way I felt. But I have to admit I felt weird.
Not jealous, not sad. Maybe worried. I guess I was scared actually.
I was in a competition.
Actually, I cannot say I was in a competition because there was nothing to compete for. And even if there was a competition, the end results states that I won the competition already.

I felt like I'm being tested. But I really wasn't.
I felt weird. I felt like I was being monitored somehow. And in the same time, I felt like I'm trying to discover something. I'm trying to reveal something hidden. But is there really something hidden?

I just felt weird. Laughing and smiling and talking, but weird. I was weird and I was hoping it doesnt show in my eyes how weird I felt.
I felt out of place all of a sudden. I didnt feel home anymore.
I wasnt sad, but had some feelings of bitterness.
Actually, bitter is a very strong word. Lets just say that I was looking for some things to prove myself wrong.
I was worried all day. Dont know what to eat, what to wear, how to act, how to talk, I wanted to leave an impression, but in the same time I wanted to be cool and normal. I wanted to open my eyes to certain things, but apparently, I found nothing.

Maybe there is nothing to be found. And maybe there is something, but I'm not smart enough to find it.

Maybe I'm just being worrisome and pessimistic. And maybe I'm going blind again.